Death and loss are unlike any experience; no matter how often we deal with them, we don’t necessarily get better at it. It never becomes easier or more comfortable to offer condolences or extend support to someone dealing with loss.

And no matter the circumstances, it’s crucial to communicate, despite your comfort level. Death and any loss are very isolating and staying away compounds the loss.

But what should you do when you’re truly at a loss for words? What do you say?

I’ve been in this predicament myself. At a really difficult time in my life I saw a neighbor. She gave me a hug and said, “This must be such a difficult week. I don’t know what to say.” But she said it all; she validated what was happening in my life, let me know she cared by approaching and hugging me, and was honest in her feelings. And what she said and did was right on target.

I encourage everyone to reach out to someone facing a death, illness, or difficult times so individuals don’t face even more isolation. It’s okay to let someone know, “I don’t know what to say.” In reaching out, your actions speak volumes. You’re saying, “I know this is a difficult time and I care.” And that says a lot.