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Ask RobbieMy nephew is facing the loss of his wife and he cries when I call him. He says, over and over again, "If I could trade places with her, I would." "Why didn't it happen to me? I'd give anything if I could be in that bed instead of this brilliant, beautiful woman." What should I say and do?
It really is okay for him to cry and the best thing that you can do is
listen and not make him feel bad. You can ask him to let you know
specifically what would be helpful. It would be appropriate to say: "I
have never had this experience and am not sure what you need - please
let me know and I will help in whatever way I can." While visiting,
take charge of meals and the basics of life, like laundry. It's hard
to function when you are under so much stress. You don't have to have
an appropriate reply to everything your nephew says. When individuals
face a terribly stressful experience, they can think and say really
strange things; that is why it is so important to forget what is said
and done during this time. If he says
I wish it were me, tell him: "It is very evident to everyone who knows you that the two of you have a wonderful relationship." That way you acknowledge his feelings without commenting on his thoughts. All in all, the best thing to do is really listen and say how much you care for both of them.
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