Many people draw a blank when it comes to crafting a sympathy note. It appears that a lot of thought or a lot of angst goes into writing a message of condolence.

Is a sympathy note harder to write than let’s say, a note of apology? Or a thank you note? All three types of notes have something in common; they all deal with emotion whether sorrow, sadness, or joy, and our goal is to convey the appropriate emotion.

But notes of sympathy aren’t just about emotion; You’re writing to someone who’s very sad and feels a horrific sense of loss. The goal in writing a condolence message is to provide some comfort during this painful period and that’s where the challenge comes in. How do you write a message that is truly going to comfort someone feeling deep pain?

The best notes of condolence come from the heart and if you can write one that conveys both your sadness and understanding of what it means to lose someone you love, chances are you'll write a thoughtful and memorable sympathy note.

But what if you are one of the many individuals who find that hard to do? Then do the best you can. Express how sorry you are for the loss. Let them know you are thinking of them. If you have a personal connection, communicate that you care. If you were acquainted with the deceased and have a memory, this is the time to share it.

If you acknowledge the loss and express your sympathy, than you’ve done what’s most important. And maybe that’s just enough.

It happens frequently. Someone we know has a death in the family; a friend’s mother dies or a colleague’s son is killed in a car accident. The loss touches you, but you have never met the deceased. You know it’s important to reach out to the bereaved and extend comfort, but how do you write a condolence note for someone you don’t know?

When someone dies, all the bereaved have left are their memories. Sympathy notes that express your condolences bring needed comfort to the bereaved. The most meaningful ones include your thoughts, personal memories, and if possible, a treasured story. Photographs are especially appreciated.

You do need to dig a little deeper to write a meaningful note of sympathy for someone you don’t know. Here is an example of a condolence letter you might write to a friend on the death of a parent you have never met.

Dear Peter,

I was so sorry to hear about the death of your father. I’m sure your dad had a hand in modeling behaviors that shaped the special person you are – your wonderful medical skills, compassion, and patience. And your keen sense of humor. You have shared lots of stories about your family and I’m hoping that the good memories will be a comfort to you while you grieve this loss. Know that I’m keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Much love to you and Melissa.

Barbara

Image: http://simplesympathy.com/printable-sympathy-cards

When someone dies, our natural impulse is to immediately reach out and express our sympathy. Some of us can rise to the occasion and quickly craft a heartfelt condolence message. But if you need some time to do the job justice, take it. The bereaved get most attention in the early days and weeks, while they’re in shock and processing the loss, and most likely won’t remember much. It’s in the weeks and months ahead, when mourning takes place, that they might most appreciate a sympathy note from you. Here are five strategies for preparing notes of sympathy:

1. Wait a day, a week, or a few weeks to digest the news and collect your thoughts before writing your note.
2. Don’t do it all in one sitting.
3. Draft your note first then edit, revise, and proof before writing your final note.
4. Allow the note to sit for a day before mailing. Re-read it to ensure it reflects the true message you would like to convey.
5. Include your address on the envelop to make it easy for the recipient to reach you, should they desire.