Comforting Words
  • Home
  • Store
  • Blog
  • Author Bio
  • About
  • Media Room

Grief Never Takes a Holiday

12/16/2022

1 Comment

 
Picture
​So many of our holiday traditions are family-centered, making it painful to face the holidays after a loved one dies. Despite the pain, some people find it comforting to continue the old traditions that they've enjoyed. Since grief in itself is exhausting, it can be too overwhelming to try and build new traditions when mourning a loved one.

How you choose to handle holidays is a highly personal decision. In the first few months or years, you alone know whether it's comfortable or painful to bake the cookies, make that signature dinner, or hold the annual picnic. As time passes, you may find that life in itself has changed and it feels more comfortable to modify or integrate some new and different traditions.

One friend is widowed and lives with her widowed mom. Their holiday celebrations are much smaller now that it’s just the two of them. Rather than cooking a holiday meal, they usually have dinner with friends or go out to eat. An enormous fresh tree was central to their Christmas celebration, but my friend finds it's too difficult to handle alone, so they have a small artificial tree. But they keep the tradition of the Christmas lights, hiring a handyman to put them up.

Another friend was widowed when his two children were teens. He found it helpful that first year to ask his children, "How do you want to do this holiday?" There were holiday traditions that they kept intact because it was just natural to do things they enjoyed. When one child left for college the following year and the family of four became a family of two, life and holidays changed. But the changes felt like a more natural transition. Six years after his wife's death, my friend integrates some of the old traditions into his holidays, just because it feels comfortable.
​
Memories may be your best guide to the holidays. Determine what makes you feel good and what makes you feel uncomfortable. But there's a difference between being uncomfortable and being sad. As one friend says, "Some people are so concerned about feeling sad. It's okay to feel sad; you've just lost your loved one."

Robbie Miller Kaplan is an author who writes from a unique perspective as a mother who has lost two children. She has written How to Say It When You Don't Know What to Say, a guide to help readers communicate effectively when those they care about experience loss, available in ebooks for "Illness & Death," "Suicide," "Miscarriage," "Death of a Child," "Death of a Stillborn or Newborn Baby," "Pet Loss," "Caregiver Responsibilities," "Divorce" and "Job Loss." All titles are in Amazon's Kindle Store.
​

1 Comment
Flagami Painters link
9/12/2022 09:55:32 pm

This iis a great post thanks

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Categories

    All
    Anniversaries
    Belated Sympathy Note
    Bereaved Children
    Condolence Note
    Coping
    Death Of Baby
    Death Of Child
    Death Of Parent
    Facebook Condolences
    Funerals
    Grief
    Guest Book
    Help
    Holidays
    How To Help
    Illness
    Listening
    Memorials
    Memorial Services
    Miscarriage
    Mourning
    Pet Loss
    Social Media
    Suicide
    Sympathy Notes
    Thank You
    Visitation Etiquette
    What Not To Say
    What To Do
    What To Say

    Author

    Robbie’s goal is to help her readers communicate effectively when their loved ones, neighbors, colleagues, and community members face difficult times. 

    RSS Feed



Buy the Books
Book Store
e-Books
Picture
About Words That Comfort
About the site
Author Bio
Media Room

Contact


Robbie Miller Kaplan
wordsthathelp@gmail.com
© Robbie Miller Kaplan. All Rights Reserved.
All materials contained on this site are protected by United States copyright law and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published, broadcast, neither performed nor used to prepare published works, without the prior written permission of Robbie Miller Kaplan. You may not alter or remove any trademark, copyright, logo or other notice from copies of the content.

Photos used under Creative Commons from Pink Sherbet Photography, Gytha69, EatLiveGrowPaleo.com, Ralph Hockens, adamthomasjones, mikecogh, Mike Sinko, scotbot, davidmulder61, szabolor, quinn.anya, Kekka, “Caveman Chuck” Coker, mikecogh, "Stròlic Furlàn" - Davide Gabino, garryknight, elPadawan, jennaddenda, Parker Knight, fabienlej, francisco_osorio, Vilellic