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How to Help a Bereaved Child

7/9/2021

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Death is a devastating experience and it is hard to know what words or actions can possibly ease the loss. When the bereaved is a child, it is even more challenging to know what to say or do. As difficult as it may be, “Try to act like things are as normal as possible,” says a friend whose mom died when she was 13. “No one wants to be treated as ‘the girl whose mother died.’” 

Here are some ways to help a bereaved child:
  1. Recognize that children are unique and will experience the death of a loved one in their own way.
  2. While it is natural to want to help a child with their problems, accept that what has happened is not fixable; this is not a problem you can solve.
  3. Encourage friends and classmates to come to the funeral and participate in mourning rituals. This helps the bereaved child feel supported. 
  4. Children need their peers, and they would like them to just be their friends.
  5. Treat the bereaved child the way you always have; the loss will drastically alter their life, but they are still the same person.
  6. While the world has changed for the bereaved child, try to maintain normal routines and customary rituals. Children don’t want to feel like they are different.
  7. It’s helpful for the bereaved to hang out with friends and have normal conversations that have nothing to do with the loss. The optimal companion is one that sits with a friend and talks.
  8. Allow the bereaved child to be the one to bring up the loss in conversation.
  9. Letters and sympathy notes that share anecdotes about the deceased are meaningful, even if the child cannot appreciate them now. There will be a time when they will want to read these condolence messages and your thoughts will be helpful.
  10. Continue to speak about the deceased long after the initial weeks and months; the bereaved rarely tire of hearing about their loved one.
  11. What can you say? “I know you are upset and I’m here so you can talk about it.” Better yet: “Tell me about your mom, dad, sister or brother.” We all want to know that our loved one is not forgotten.

Image: Flickr Creative Commons/cwasteson
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Robbie Miller Kaplan is an author who writes from a unique perspective as a mother who has lost two children. She has written How to Say It When You Don't Know What to Say, a guide to help readers communicate effectively when those they care about experience loss, available in ebooks for "Illness & Death," "Suicide," "Miscarriage," "Death of a Child," "Death of a Stillborn or Newborn Baby," "Pet Loss," "Caregiver Responsibilities," "Divorce" and "Job Loss." All titles are in Amazon's Kindle Store.
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Copyright www.legacy.com  Used with permission

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    Robbie’s goal is to help her readers communicate effectively when their loved ones, neighbors, colleagues, and community members face difficult times. 

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