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How to Help Victims of Violent Crime

9/11/2019

1 Comment

 
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It happens in all of our communities - mass killings at churches, schools, shopping centers, movie theaters, and far too many locations where we used to feel safe. Nothing in life prepares us for the traumatic experience of violent crime. Although violent crime rates have declined slightly in recent years, according to the FBI there has been an increase in active shooter incidents from 17 in 2013 to 20 in both 2014 and 2015.  

Victims of violence and their families and friends experience crisis reactions; the levels of extremes will differ from person to person based on their personal situation at the time of the crime, the impact of the crime, and resulting injuries. As each person is unique, so are victim reactions, responses, and recovery. It is impossible to compare one experience, response, or recovery to another.

How the victim of a crime and their loved ones are treated immediately following the crime can impact their ability to cope and recover. They will need to know what comes next by way of the crime investigation and the resulting criminal justice process.

In times of crisis, friends, acquaintances, and loved ones willingly provide support. But support wanes along with the months, and it is easy to lose patience as time passes. You can play a pivotal role in the recovery process by remaining a presence in their life—no matter how long it takes. As Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.”

What to say and do:
  • Express sympathy and sorrow for what has happened.
  • Anyone who has lost a loved one to a violent crime will need your caring patience. It takes a long time to heal, and they will need your support during the process.
  • Anger is a natural response to a violent crime. Listen with patience; the victim of crime is not looking for answers but an opportunity to vent their anger.
  • Recognize that they will grieve in their own way.
  • Do communicate your willingness to support the victim of crime in whatever ways you can. Individuals who have someone to lean on increase their chances of healing from the trauma.
  • Offer to help with basic necessities—grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, food preparation, child care, and carpooling—as they might find it impossible to resume their normal housekeeping and caregiver tasks.
  • Encourage them to participate in the judicial process to restore a sense of control.
  • Offer to listen. The individual will need to tell their story over and over again to process what has happened.
  • Allow them to grieve in their own way.
  • Encourage them to express their grief and sorrow for as long as they need.
  • Do continue to keep in touch with them and remember them during significant dates and difficult periods, such as the anniversary of the crime, a birthday, or holidays.
Suggestions on what to say:
  • I am here for you when you need me.
  • I care about you and will support you however you might need me.
  • I have never experienced this before; please let me know how I can help you.
  • I will always be your friend; nothing can change that.
  • I will miss him (her), too.
  • I’d like to help in any way I can.
  • It’s not your fault.
  • This was a terrible crime, and I am sorry it happened to you.
  • What you are feeling is normal.
  • You can talk to me at any time.
  • You did the best you could.
  • You were in no way to blame for what happened.
Adapted from How to Say It When You Don't Know What to Say© by Robbie Miller Kaplan. All rights reserved.

1 Comment
`F. Pinzow
12/6/2022 09:01:16 am

One of things that helps victims of crime with anger issues is knowing that the police are attempting. rather than doing nothing to solve the crimes. While I didn't expect special treatment because of my race or sex, I have expected that when a crime was committed, the police would at least ask for the victim to give them the evidence. This happened in 1991, and the ambulance took me to the nearest hospital, which kept forgetting to take xrays of things like my head (which was battered against concrete floors and walls of a Metro parking garage repeatedly). The police had no interest in the dress or jacket I was wearing at the time. and I had to force the issue. It took at least 6 weeks for them to have me come in to work on a composite sketch, since their computer program wasn't working.

From the filth that came out of my young strong attacker's mouth, it was more a crime against females than racially motivated. The police didn't do much. Eventually, they had me look at photos, and I was somehow able to eliminate most of them because of the proportions between head, neck and shoulders. By the time they had me go to view a lineup, I was trying to forget his face. I couldn't and wouldn't identify anyone I wasn't fairly sure committed the crime. The police eventually returned the dress to me. My father kept saying that I should dye the dress black (it still would have had blood from my nose on it). I eventually chose to get rid of it.
Regardless of age. ethnicity, orientation, etc., I was failed by the police. My head was beaten against the floor and wall of a Metro parking garage. The employees of the garage lied about who had jurisdiction over the garage. In Maryland, you can't sue the owners of a garage for their responsibility for at least putting up warning signs. I have permanent head injuries, and a criminal in the making was allowed to walk free. Personally, having been robbed and assaulted a few years ago, I find the police of my county to be indifferent over the years. I have lost faith in their interest in solving assaults against those who don't die, wind up in a coma or a wheelchair for the long-term. I still am angry at the way both cases have been handled. I have lost faith in their ability and desire to solve crimes in my County.

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    Robbie’s goal is to help her readers communicate effectively when their loved ones, neighbors, colleagues, and community members face difficult times. 

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