Comforting Words
  • Home
  • Store
  • Blog
  • Author Bio
  • About
  • Media Room

Three Tips for Writing an Epitaph

3/28/2022

4 Comments

 
Picture
​Sponsored post

The death of someone close to you can quite literally leave you feeling lost for words. How can you capture the depths of the grief you feel? How can you hope to contain all they meant to you and the love you feel for them in mere words?
 
That is why writing an epitaph for a loved one can feel like an impossible task. It isn’t just your own complex feelings you are trying to chisel into a permanent form. You are writing something that will speak for everyone who knew, loved and admired the deceased. You are trying to say something meaningful about their life, character and legacy in a few short lines while drafting something that will stand for decades, etched in stone for all to scrutinize.
 
It’s no wonder people find it hard to write an epitaph for the headstone or memorial plaque or why so many people turn to the many lists of suitable quotations available online and simply choose one. There is nothing wrong with borrowing well-known lines crafted by great wordsmiths, but the key question is, does it capture what you want to say about your loved one? Is it personal enough?
 
Writing an epitaph for someone you care dearly about and have lost is possibly the hardest thing you’ll ever have to write. Here are some tips for how to approach it.
​
1. Take your time
Good writing in any form is never something you should rush. Whether you are writing the words for an epitaph yourself or choosing a relatable quotation, don’t just settle for the first thing you come up with. The last thing you want to do is get that sinking feeling of regret once the words have already been inscribed in stone. Give yourself plenty of time. If you are struggling with what to write, don’t push it. Give yourself space to mull over ideas, jot down a few, read them back and see how they work. Keep coming back to the task with fresh eyes, and only settle for a final version once you are sure.

2.  Get other people involved
Writing an epitaph does not have to be a solitary task. Bouncing ideas off people who also knew and cared for the deceased is strongly recommended for two reasons. One is that we all write better when we share ideas and get feedback and advice from others. It helps us to get out of the dreaded mental cage that is ‘writer’s block’ and means we can confirm or dismiss our own nagging doubts or hunches through another’s assessment. Secondly, an epitaph is a communal experience, something that stands as a memorial to a person in a public place, for everyone to share. People who knew the deceased all have an interest in the best words that will resonate with their both their memories and feelings, a challenging task if you try to go it alone.
​
3.  Write for the loved one you have lost
Finally, perhaps the best piece of advice for anyone tackling this difficult task is to start off by thinking, “What would they have wanted?” This might make the complex task more straightforward. If, for example, they had a favorite author, poet, poem, or song then a first step is to consider quoting from that person or piece of work. If they were religious, perhaps a quotation from scripture would be most appropriate.
 
If none of this applies, the next thing is to consider what is most memorable about the person, and what they would want to be remembered for. If they had particularly strong views or values, these could form your subject matter. If they were well known for a passion in life, an area of expertise, or work they dedicated themselves to, that could also be your cue.
 
Whichever approach you choose, perhaps the best guiding criteria is this - sum up, in little more than a couple of lines, the core essence of what that person meant to you, their family and friends, and the difference they made in the world. It’s not easy, but it’s a chance to honor their memory in a powerful and meaningful way.
 
Kenward & Son is a family-run firm of monumental & architectural stone masons based in West London. For more information, click here.
 
 
 


4 Comments
Rebecca Gardner link
7/29/2020 02:27:47 pm

Thanks for explaining that it can be beneficial to bounce ideas off of others and make the epitaph a collaborative effort. My mom has been really overwhelmed trying to make decisions for the burial and funeral services of my grandma who passed away from a stroke last week. I appreciate you sharing this info so my family and I can help her come up with a meaningful epitaph for her memorial.

Reply
Zoe Campos link
11/6/2020 09:17:52 am

It really helped when you said that we shouldn't rush ourselves in order to write a good epitaph. I'll be writing for my husband of seven years and I'm afraid that words aren't enough to describe his great character. Maybe I can ask my daughter for help while I look for a place that can make custom-engraved headstones.

Reply
Tammie Houston link
8/16/2021 04:24:09 pm

It's great that you said writing an epitaph should be a communal experience. Our grandfather's gravestone is already faded and old so we were thinking of getting it replaced with a new one and having a new epitaph written. The sad thing is we don't really remember much about him so we don't know what to put down. I think it'd be a great idea to look for any of his friends that are still alive and kicking and have them help us think of an epitaph to write. It'd be nice to connect with his old friends during the process as well. We'll make sure that his cemetery headstone will be as nice as we can make him in honor of his memory.

Reply
Adam Golightly link
1/26/2023 12:38:54 pm

I appreciate you explaining how everyone can share an epitaph and how it can be a communal experience for everyone. My grandfather recently passed away and everyone in the community loved him dearly. I really want to put the epitaph on a monument for his grave so that everyone can share their love for him.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Categories

    All
    Anniversaries
    Belated Sympathy Note
    Bereaved Children
    Condolence Note
    Coping
    Death Of Baby
    Death Of Child
    Death Of Parent
    Facebook Condolences
    Funerals
    Grief
    Guest Book
    Help
    Holidays
    How To Help
    Illness
    Listening
    Memorials
    Memorial Services
    Miscarriage
    Mourning
    Pet Loss
    Social Media
    Suicide
    Sympathy Notes
    Thank You
    Visitation Etiquette
    What Not To Say
    What To Do
    What To Say

    Author

    Robbie’s goal is to help her readers communicate effectively when their loved ones, neighbors, colleagues, and community members face difficult times. 

    RSS Feed



Buy the Books
Book Store
e-Books
Picture
About Words That Comfort
About the site
Author Bio
Media Room

Contact


Robbie Miller Kaplan
wordsthathelp@gmail.com
© Robbie Miller Kaplan. All Rights Reserved.
All materials contained on this site are protected by United States copyright law and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published, broadcast, neither performed nor used to prepare published works, without the prior written permission of Robbie Miller Kaplan. You may not alter or remove any trademark, copyright, logo or other notice from copies of the content.

Photos used under Creative Commons from Pink Sherbet Photography, Gytha69, EatLiveGrowPaleo.com, Ralph Hockens, adamthomasjones, mikecogh, Mike Sinko, scotbot, davidmulder61, szabolor, quinn.anya, Kekka, “Caveman Chuck” Coker, mikecogh, "Stròlic Furlàn" - Davide Gabino, garryknight, elPadawan, jennaddenda, Parker Knight, fabienlej, francisco_osorio, Vilellic