What Not to Say to a Grieving Spouse

The death of a spouse is one of the most devastating and stressful life events. The grief is deep and lasts for a long time. While every individual is different in how they grieve, there may be a period of time when the best the bereaved can do is just get out of bed. Tasks that seem quite ordinary might feel like obstacles and it’s easy to feel insecure and doubtful. So how can you help?

Bolster the bereaved's fragile psyche and give compliments. Find anything that you can praise and let them know, “You’re doing fine.” The last thing they need is criticism or someone second guessing their decisions.

Here are some things to avoid as they hamper recovery:

1. Don’t ask, “Are you going to be okay?” They won’t be okay for some time.
2. Don’t think it is your job to distract the bereaved from their grief. If they want to grieve or cry, that’s okay; they’ve lost their spouse and they have something to grieve and cry about.
3. Don’t tell them, “It’s been two (three or four) months and you don’t want to grieve too long.”
4. Don’t offer to fix them up unless they have asked you to do so or mentioned that they’d like to start dating.
5. Keep your opinions to yourself. Everyone handles things differently and it’s not your job to comment or critique on how the bereaved is handling things. 

---